ADAH PUGH

You may see I’m smiling, laughing and act like nothing happen. I may act like I’m doing good, in this moment. But trust me, I always be grateful to God, for giving me chances to change myself to become much better. Alhamdulillah, I’m still breathing. My parents are still breathing. My siblings are still breathing. Kamal still breathing.

But, still..

As an ordinary woman, inside. I also got some feeling where I feel like isolating myself. Fuck this feeling, bitch. There’s some reason why I’m doing this. I need attention maybe? Not from you, ordinary people. I need it from a family and home. Mengada ngada lah you. People give you money, everything you want you just named it. They will give you. Still not enough? Mengada ngada kan you? Go die alone sinners. You’re soooo mengada ngada, irritating, annoying, exasperating and people hate you. People hate you because you’re not anymore the 7/8 years old boyish Syahadah Aziz.

Yes I may annoy you but dear whoever who read this fugly notes, I need support lah come on if you’re in my Jack Purcell leather black sneakers or replica of Jimmy Choo Morse patent leather ballerina flats or fake Salvatore Ferragamo Gilia leather platforms or Dr. Martens Diva Marlena Mary Jane in dark red, okay I’m lost already. Where are we just now? Ahaha okay, if you were in my shoes you also will act like me. That’s the point. You’ll getting nearer to 31, think wisely man.

I’m 16. Why should I act and think like 8? It’s a learning process, and we are all still learning.

Goodbye readers :)